E is for Encouraging

How many of you were cheerleaders in your school days? The sole purpose of having cheerleaders on the sidelines is to bring attention to the home team- when they have a good play or score a point. That type of attention is encouraging. It gives the team (and the fans in the stands) energy and focuses them on the good things happening during the game. Sometimes, the cheering also provides a little team spirit when the scoreboard is not in their favor as well.

Encouragement is a powerful parenting tool. 

It lets your child know that you are FOR them. That you want the very best for them and that you notice when they do the right thing or make the right choice. Encouragement can also be used when you child has had a not-so-good day, too. It can remind them that you love them no matter what and that tomorrow is another day, another opportunity to shine.

Dictionary.com defines encouraging like this:
1. To inspire with courage, spirit or confidence
2. To stimulate by assistance, approval, etc.

As a mom, many of the words we say to our kids have a negative tone:

No.

Don't touch that.

Put that down.

You can't play with that in the house.

Stop teasing your sister.

Not today.

photo credit: buycostumes.com

Many times we don't even realize how many negative words we use in a day. It's important to pay attention to the words we use and to make sure we have plenty of positive interactions with our children as well.

Use encouraging words like:

You were kind to share that toy with your brother.

I'm proud of you.

You make mommy smile.

I love it when you use your words.

Look at the way you cleaned up those toys. You're a big helper.

Keep up the good work!

This week, try to pay attention to the words you use and challenge yourself to say five positive things for every negative thing you say to your child. You will notice a difference in your attitude and theirs as well!

Till next time,

Melissa

D is for Deep Breath

It might seem funny to dedicate one of our ABC's of Motherhood posts to deep breathing but girls, let me tell you, it's an important skill!

Deep breathing is a great relaxation tool for you as a mom and for your kids as well. Many times you aren't aware but when you are stressed, afraid or tense, your breathing changes. It becomes more rapid and shallow. Deep breathing allows you to relax instantly and clear your mind of negative thoughts and emotions. It also allows for a pause in the midst of a chaotic situation, like a toddler tantrum or meltdown, in order to not escalate the situation.

Deep breathing increases the levels of "happy" chemicals or neuro transmitters in your brain so it can actually improve your mood! My family jokes often about the saying "if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy" and while it is funny, there is also truth to it. Our kids pick up on our stress and our bad moods and react in kind. If we can control our stress levels, it will have positive ripple effects on the whole household. Deep breathing is one way we can accomplish this.

So, how do you practice deep breathing? Here are three easy steps:

1. Inhale deeply through your nose, until you can see and feel your belly expand (about the count of 5).
2. Hold and count to 3.
3. Exhale through your mouth, counting to 5.

Then repeat as many times as needed until you feel your heart rate return to normal, your breathing slow on it's own and you feel calmer. 

I promise, it works! You can also teach your kids, as young as two, to deep breathe and help them learn to calm themselves at a young age.

To catch up on our other ABC's of Motherhood posts, follow the links below.

A is for Acceptance

B is for Bravery

C is for Celebrating

Till next time,

Melissa

C is for Celebrating

We are continuing our theme of the ABC's of Motherhood. Today, I am tacking the letter C. You can read B is for Bravery here and A is for Acceptance here.

When we think of the word celebrate, often times we think of birthday parties, a graduation dinner or a wedding reception. Moments that matter and deserve attention. And, while those are all things deserving of a celebration, today I want to talk about celebrating the little things that we so often overlook.

Dictionary.com defines celebrate as this:

• To observe or commemorate with festivities or ceremonies

• To make known publicly, to proclaim

• To solemnize

There are a million little things that happen throughout a year that are worthy of celebrating.

A new job, a raise, passing a mid-term- these are all cause for festivities!

Your child going #2 on the potty, making it all day without yelling at your kids, making dinner without burning it- these are brag worthy moments; opportunities to publicly proclaim how good you are doing!

Making it through the first year of motherhood, graduating with your AA degree, paying off your car loan- these are moments to solemnize (pray over or commemorate with a ceremony such as burning the loan papers ;))

Not waiting for a major life event to celebrate invites joy into the every day. It makes the mundane fun and the ordinary special. When our kids grow up, we want them to remember us as the mom that was joyful. The mom that made a big deal over the little things. The mom that smiled even when times were tough. The mom who celebrated as often as she could!

Even in the midst of difficult times, there is always something to celebrate!

Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; celebrate His lovely name... Psalm 135:3

How can you be a mom who celebrates? I would love to hear your ideas in the comments!

B is for Bravery

Sometimes, as a young mom, the responsibilities of motherhood can be overwhelming. A tiny, innocent life depends on you for security, love, safety, nurturing, sustenance and more. It's okay to recognize the responsibility and even to feel the weight of it. Understanding that will keep you focused on your job as a mama to your precious little one and hopefully help you make good parenting decisions.

But, if you focus too much on the responsibility and not enough on the joy and privilege of being a mom, you can quickly become frazzled and discouraged. How do you overcome those feelings? Those days when life is just not what you thought it would be and you wish you could run away to a place where no one called you Mom?

photo credit: alisonalexander.com

The short answer: Be brave.

When you get let go from your job because you missed too many days due to your son's asthma....be brave.

When your boyfriend decides that dating a girl with a kid is too much...be brave.

When you have to decide whether to buy groceries or pay the electric bill...be brave.

Dictionary.com defines brave as:
To meet or face courageously
To defy, challenge, dare

You have within you the capacity to meet your circumstances courageously, to face situations that threaten to overwhelm you courageously. You can defy the odds that say that young moms raise children who struggle academically, lag behind socially and are more likely to commit crimes. You can challenge the stigma that young moms don't know what they're doing. You can dare your critics to say one more negative thing about your life and your children. You can choose to be brave.

The Bible tells us that God will come through for us in our times of need. And while we are waiting for Him, Scripture says this:

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Psalm 27:14

Yes, life may be tougher for a while because you had your baby at a young age. But, even in the darkest of times, you have a gift that can always bring you joy and comfort. A precious little one that God has entrusted you with. So, be brave and wait for the Lord. Your best gift has already arrived and the rest will work itself out!

What do you need to be brave about? Feel free to share in the comments or email me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com

Till next time,
Melissa

A is for Acceptance

There are so many things we have to learn to accept when we become mothers.

We accept that our bodies are forever changed.
We accept that uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past.
We accept that we will go out in public with spit up on our clothes.
We accept that the days of privacy in the bathroom have ended.

Then, there are the bigger things we accept as our children grow.

We accept that we actually have very little control over how our children turn out.
We accept that our kids may travel a different path than we would have liked them to.
We accept that our family may not resemble the picture we always had in our head.

We also need to accept that we will not be perfect parents. Accept that we will make mistakes and we will mess up and that is part of being a parent.

When we do mess up, we need to accept blame and responsibility.  When our kids make mistakes, which they will, we need to accept their apology and move on.

What part of motherhood do you need to accept today?

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

Cherishing each Mama moment

I texted him at 9pm “This time 18 years ago you were 45 minutes old Love you so much!”
How do eighteen years go by in the blink of an eye?

How do you put the brakes on this growing up and becoming a man thing that is happening before your eyes?  How do you look up into the eyes of the baby that is taller than you and not want to press rewind to the days when he sat in your lap asking you to “read it 'gain, mama” or when he would fall asleep on your shoulder with a strand of your hair wrapped in his chubby hand so he would be instantly alerted when you tried to lay him in his crib?

I know that when you are in the throes of temper tantrums, runny noses and sleepless nights that it is hard to imagine ever wishing every.single.one of those days back again.  Believe me, I know!
But, you will.




The next time you think you just can’t answer one more question that begins with the word “why” or you are bent low, wiping up the milk that was spilled on your newly mopped floor or you are returning your strong willed four year old to the time out chair for the 15th time {that day}, know that you are doing a good job. 

That while every parenting choice you make may not be the right one as long as you are doing your best and loving your best and just getting through the best you can, your child is soaking it all in.

And, one day when they are turning 18 and realizing their time under your roof is coming to an end sooner than you or they ever imagined they will say “You are the best mom” and they will mean it.
Cause those days you lost your temper or crawled into bed thinking “I can’t do this another day” or wished for the day they would be grown and not need you so much, that is not what your son will remember.

He will remember the days you played H-O-R-S-E with him instead of doing the dishes, the days that you kissed his sweaty forehead when he was sick, the days that you read that story for the 100th time.

And, you mama- you will remember it all. And wish it hadn’t gone by so stinkin’ fast.

photo credit

What Your Kids Can Learn From Frozen

If you have a child under the age of 10 in your home, you have probably seen the movie, Frozen, a bajillion times. Please tell me it's not just at my house!!!

My 3 1/2 year old granddaughter walks around the house, a sheet around her shoulders and her princess dress up shoes on, singing "Let it Go" and being Elsa. " You be Anna, Mimi" she will tell me. She is obsessed.

And, I have to say that if she has to be obsessed with a movie, I think Frozen is a good one. First of all, I love Disney movies. Probably because I grew up watching them myself {Lady and the Tramp was my favorite} But, of all the Disney movies I've seen I love the message of Frozen. It teaches important life lessons through the characters and the music.

Here are a few of the messages I like:
--Sisters stick together. Sibling relationships create a special bond. Your siblings are the people you've known the longest in life and the only ones that really know what it was like to grow up in your house with your parents. Elsa withdraws from her sister out of love for her and Anna pursues her out of love as well. It is a beautiful, bittersweet part of the story.
--Running away isn't the answer. Elsa retreats from the situation and creates herself a special ice castle. She isn't aware, until Anna tells her, that she left the town she cares about in a worse situation than if she had stayed. It's important for our kids (and their mama's) to remember that just because things get tough or people find out that we aren't perfect doesn't mean we should run away. Staying and facing a situation is often the hardest AND best thing you can do.
--Mr. Perfect rarely is. Anna gets caught up in the sweet nothings that Hans whispers in her ear. It is crucial to realize (and the earlier this happens the better) that actions speak louder than words, particularly when choosing a partner. I love the song the little rock gnome-y things sing, "Fixer Upper" because it's what love is truly about- two imperfect people that love and accept each other, despite their perceived flaws. And, the Hans' of the world typically have ulterior motives and will choose their own agenda over yours every.single.time.
--Love conquers all.

What is your favorite part of the movie?

Using Pinterest for Parenting Tips

I love Pinterest.  I get recipe ideas, crafts to do with the little kids in my life, home decorating ideas and a good belly laugh all in one place.

But, you can also find some great advice on Pinterest too.






Do you use Pinterest to help you parent? Tell me how! Till next time, Melissa

How to Know What's True

The world around us communicates a lot of things.  Most of those things aren't true.

For example, if you listen to the commercials on TV or the Hollywood movies, you will think the following:

• Money can buy you happiness.
• Beauty is skin deep.
• Relationships always have happy endings.

And, much much more.

In order to make good decisions and live an intentional life, it is important to learn how to know what's true and what's not.  How to make up your mind about what you believe and why you believe it.

Here are some ways I identify if something is true or not:

-If I am trying to decipher if someone is telling me the truth, I tend to watch their actions, rather than their words. Liars are usually very gifted at saying what they think you want to hear, but often the lie is discovered by an action or actions that is inconsistent with the words coming out of their mouths.

-If I am trying to figure out if I believe something I hear on TV or from an advice column in a magazine, I ask myself a simple question. Does this truth line up with Scripture? Finding out what God has to say in His Word is one of the easiest ways to determine what you should or shouldn't believe.

There are so many lies out there that can confuse you and trip you up as you journey through life.  Take time to discover the truth and settle for nothing less.

Till tomorrow,

Melissa

How to Recognize Mr. Wrong

Last post we talked about why girls stay with the wrong type of guy.  I got a few emails from young mama's asking how to know if you are with a "Mr. Wrong".  I can't answer that question specific to your situations without knowing you and your significant others but I can share some general things to look for as warning signs.

{I would love for you to chime in the comments if you have been in a bad relationship and want to share something I leave off the list.}

1.  Your relationship has more ups and downs than a roller coaster.  Don't get me wrong, relationships will have tension and discord at times.  But, if one day everything is wonderful and the next you're breaking up and the next day everything is wonderful again, that is not a healthy relationship.  If you can't work through simple problems, your relationship is not built to last the tests that it will experience in a lifetime together.  If you invest more time trying to fix things or repairing the damage of a fight that got ugly then you spend enjoying each other's company, then something is wrong. 

2. He dislikes you spending time with your friends and family.  If a guy wants you to cut people out of your life that you love and depend on, you need to run {not walk} away.  When you get married and settle down it is normal for your time to be devoted to your husband and kids.  But even then, in the busiest season of life, maintaining relationships with family and friends is also important.  If a guy is trying to keep you from those relationships and have you all to himself, you are with a Mr. Wrong.

3.  He gets upset if you don't answer a call or text right away.  I have worked with young moms whose boyfriends would get angry if she didn't text him back immediately, regardless of where she was {work, school, etc}.  I have seen girls lose their jobs or flunk out of a college class because of the controlling and jealous behavior of a boyfriend.  If your boyfriend is that possessive and insecure that he needs to know where you are at all times, that is not love.  It is dysfunction.  

4.  You change who you are to please him.  If you are normally outgoing and you find yourself becoming withdrawn and sullen around your boyfriend, there is a problem.  If you feel like you need to change your likes and dislikes to please him, there is a problem. You shouldn't have to give up your identity in order to maintain a relationship.

5.  You feel guilty all the time or feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid an argument.  God designed us to be in a marriage relationship with one person for the rest of our lives.  He did not design us to be mutually miserable.  The occasional argument is actually healthy but constant conflict is not.  Name calling, guilt trips, saying mean and hurtful things...those are not the components of a healthy relationship.  Mr. Right will not be ok with seeing you cry, much less being the one to make you cry. Relationships are about give and take. If you are the only one giving, there is a problem.

While I can think of more but am far more curious to hear from you.  What are some things that make you think a guy is "Mr. Wrong" ?  As, you can see I used the phrase "there is a problem" several times in this brief article.  The good thing about problems is that most have solutions.  If you are in an unhealthy relationship, please love yourself enough to get help.  

Till tomorrow,

Melissa

Why Girls Stay with Mr. Wrong

I wasn't one of those little girls that had my wedding planned out from a young age.  But, I knew I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up.  In the life I imagined long ago, I had a nice husband who traveled for his work and lots of kids, most of whom were adopted. Fast forward to 2014 and I have a wonderful husband {who thankfully does NOT travel for his work} and four kids, two of whom are adopted. 

It was a long road to the happiness I have today.  I had a bad habit of choosing the wrong guys before I met my husband and I almost didn't give him a chance because he was too nice and too quiet. When I worked with teen moms for three years, I saw many girls shy away from nice guys and gravitate to the losers. 
Why?  Why would you want to be with someone that makes you miserable and treats you poorly?  The answer may surprise you.

We are attracted to what is familiar.  If you have grown up in a dysfunctional home, you have most likely become accustomed to a certain amount of chronic stress and conflict.  In fact, sometimes you may have equated love with being controlled or manipulated. Girls, let me encourage you to realize that there is a better way to live.

Here are some reasons you may be staying with Mr. Wrong:

• You want to feel loveable.  Maybe you didn't have a close relationship with your dad.  You may not even know his name.  Girls often turn to relationships with men at a young age because they are trying to fill a hole in their heart from not growing up with a dad.  You want to prove to yourself that someone can love you and often times, if this is a driving force in your life, you will settle for what you think love looks and feels like and miss out on the real thing.
• He says all the right things.  Guys can be so sweet and charming, especially when they have the type of personality that seeks to dominate and control.  You may have been dying to hear how beautiful you are, how much someone needs you...and when the first guy that whispers those things in your ear comes along, you think you've found the one.
• You never learned what a healthy relationship looks like.  My grandparents have been married for almost 60 years.  When my husband and I got married we decided to model our marriage after theirs.  Both sets of our parents were dysfunctional and had been married several times.  We both grew up in homes with domestic violence. We knew what we didn't want.  But, we needed a benchmark for what we did want and so we looked to my grandparents.  
• You believe you can change him.  Unless someone wants to change, there is no amount of wishing, sulking, nagging and pushing you can do that will make one ounce of difference.  And, if your guy doesn't want to change for the right reasons, you can't make him.
• You are afraid. Let me be very clear-- If your boyfriend/fiance/husband has ever raised a hand to you or threatened you with bodily harm, it is NOT ok.  Please call the National  Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and find a way for you and your child to be safe. If he has hurt you once, he will hurt you again. No matter what he says or promises, unless he is receiving treatment there is not hope for your relationship.  Please, please get help!
• You fear being alone. You've gotten used to having someone to talk to that isn't a toddler, someone to hug you and someone that is on your team.  Being a single mom is hard and you just don't know if you have it in you to trust that God has someone out there for you that will love you and treat you the way you deserve.

Do any of these reasons sound familiar? If you need to talk about a relationship issue, please leave me a comment or email me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com.  Tomorrow, we will talk about how to let go of Mr. Wrong and then we will discuss what Mr. Right should look like.

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

What the Bible says about Sex

Hi friends! I've missed writing here.  I'm sorry I was gone for a few weeks. My computer crashed and then my daughter had my second grandchild- a little boy born 2/13/14.  If you would like to see a picture of him (he is adorable!) head over to the Teen Mom 365 facebook page.

Anyways, it is still February so we are going to continue to talk about love.  This week we will focus on our relationship with guys.  If you are a teen mom, then it goes without saying that you've had sex.  That's ok.  I'm not going to tell you that sex is bad or dirty or shameful.

God created sex for two primary reasons- to procreate (the fancy word for having babies) and for fun.  Yes, you read that right.  God created sex for fun.

However, God also designed sex to be for a monogamous marriage relationship, which we will talk about more tomorrow.  Today I wanted to share a few scriptures to give you a glimpse of God's heart on the subject of sex and relationships.

I Corinthians 6:15-20
There's more to sex than skin on skin.  Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.  As written in Scripture, "the two become one". Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever--the kind of sex that can never "become one".  There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others.  In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for becoming one with another.  Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?  Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for?  the physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you.  God owns the whole works.  So let people see God in and through your body.

Genesis 1:28
Then God blessed them and said "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it.

Genesis 2: 18, 24-25
Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper who is just right for him"...This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.  Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Ecclesiastes 9:9
Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun.  The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

True Love

February is the month we are talking about love here at Teen Mom 365. Last week we talked about God's love and I shared how that love changed my life.

Another love that changed my life is the love I have for my children.

Jared was born when I was 17 and Matt 16 months later when I was 18. A year and a half after Matt was born, my husband and I got custody of (and I later adopted) his son Jason, who was 5 1/2 at the time.  Eleven years later, we met a homeless pregnant teen mama named Shayla, aging out of the foster care system, and she moved in with us (and we later adopted her as well).

As you can see my journey to motherhood was non traditional in every sense.  Yet, somehow, each child that was added to our family made the love in my heart multiply, not divide.

The Bible says that God loves you like a mama loves her children.

"As a mother comforts her son, so I will comfort you". Isaiah 66:13

 As you know, the love we feel for our kids is unconditional, deep, long lasting, inexplicable devotion.

I can't promise you had that type of love from your parents, but just like I know you love your little one, I want you to know that God loves you.

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

Filling the Hole in Our Hearts

I love to watch HGTV. My favorite show is Property Brothers.  They are fond of a product called spray foam insulation.  You spray it from a machine in between the frame of a wall and it expands and fills the empty space with insulation that will protect the home from the elements. 

God's love is like spray foam insulation.

Every one of us is born with a God shaped hole in our hearts. 

The hole gets bigger depending on the things that happen to us through out our lives.  A dad leaves when his daughter is too little to remember him.  An uncle touches his niece in inappropriate ways and threatens to hurt her family if she ever says anything.  A mom gets addicted to drugs and her kids leave in a police car to be bounced from foster home to foster home.  Kids lay silent in their beds listening to their mama cry as her boyfriend beats her. A teen girl has an abortion and gets rid of the problem so her boyfriend won't leave...and he leaves anyway. 

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. ~Mother Teresa

The holes in our hearts are deep and jagged. The knife of hurt, betrayal and evil has left scars and fissures where there should be healthy tissue.  We have been hurt too much to trust anyone to fix our hearts so we attempt to close the hole on our own.

We may try to fill it with other things such as relationships, drugs or alcohol, activities and even food but we continue to feel an emptiness until we allow God's spray foam insulation love to expand and grow in our hearts. 

God loves you more than you can imagine.  He longs to be your Healer, your Friend and the Lover of your soul.  He hurts when you hurt.  He hates the things that happened to you as much as you do.  And, He has the answers- the answers to how to move forward, how to change the patterns in your family so your kids don't grow up the same way, how to learn to love yourself.

Will you let Him in?


If you want to know more about how to begin or grow a relationship with God, please reach out to me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com or talk to a trusted pastor or mentor.

The best part of the story

The bitterness and apathy that had taken up residence in my heart materialized in ugly ways.  Drugs, promiscuity, callous behavior towards those that loved me the most...the saying "hurt people hurt people" couldn't be more true.
And, then at sixteen, two lines appeared on the pregnancy test.
I was alone in a cramped bathroom stall scared beyond anything I had experienced before. There was life growing inside of me.
At first I pretended not to care.  I would fix the problem.  Have an abortion, pretend that this had never happened.
When I look at my Jared and think that I thought of him as a problem or a mistake, my heart beats hurt and sadness.  It reminds me of the feelings I had on those dark, lonely days.
I would like to tell you as soon as I heard my son's heartbeat on the sonogram that I had an epiphany and turned my life around.  But, that wouldn't be true.
For the first few months of my pregnancy, I continued the self destructive lifestyle I had been engaging in prior to becoming pregnant.  When I think of the consequences my behavior could have had on my now {almost 18 year old} 17 year old boy, I realize the hand of God never left me.  Even when I turned my back on Him, He never gave up on me.
He knit my baby together in my womb to save me from myself.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Psalm 139:13

{You can read more about my salvation story by clicking here}.
Each child God has subsequently brought into my life, through birth or adoption, has changed me for the better and drawn me closer to Him.
You can't parent three kids six and under when you are barely 20 years old without the power of Almighty God.
You can't parent a hurting little boy, who has a deep mother wound, without the supernatural love of Jesus pouring through you.
You can't parent a girl who doesn't trust love without being able to trust the Lover of your soul.
Motherhood led me back to Jesus and it brings me to His feet every single day.

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

A Heart of Stone

Read Part 1 here.

Yesterday, I started sharing my story of a sad and painful time in my life. Today, is part 2 and I will wrap it up tomorrow. Then, Thursday and Friday I will talk about what I learned in those difficult moments and how I figured out that God was there, looking out for me all along.

--------------------------
Why was God letting this happen?  What did I do wrong? 
This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

It didn’t take but a few days for my family and the authorities to find me when I ran away.  The family court judge deciding my fate took my “strong feelings” into account and allowed me to attend a boarding school close to my paternal grandparents rather than return to foster care.

That decision did improve my immediate circumstances. From the outside looking in, I had a good life.  Friends, good grades, acceptance to an elite academy, grandparents that loved me, material possessions– you name it, I had it.

But I also had a heart of stone.  A determination that no one would hurt me, a desire to manipulate before I could be manipulated.

An entry from my journal at the time put it this way:
Spiraling downward toward imminent destruction. Will anyone notice?  Will anyone care?  What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? What does it matter…no one cares anyway.

The system might have found me in a few days but it would take God longer than a few days to get me back.
To be continued…

Have you ever felt like your situation was hopeless?

For when you want to give up on God...

Yesterday I introduced the theme for February- LOVE!
And, this week we are talking about our relationship {or lack thereof} with God.

Now, don't stop reading. I'm not going to preach at you. In fact, I am going to share a bit of my story over the next few days and then share how God met me in my mess. Maybe it will speak to your heart or answer some questions you have about God.  Maybe it will help you feel less alone.  So, here goes- Part One.

---------------

I remember the day I gave up on God.

I held the phone to my ear while angry, hot tears streamed silently down my face.  As I listened and realized that I had been lied to for months by those closest to me, I made a rash and defiant decision.  If no one was looking out for me, I was going to have to look out for myself.

I gently depressed the button on the phone so that my grandmother would not know I had listened in and started to pray.
Prayer was an automatic response to crisis for me.  Prayer had been my constant companion in my brief 13 years on the earth.
This time the prayers felt empty.  It was as if my heart’s cries were not being heard and I determined God must not be any more trustworthy than the rest of the adults in my life.  Right then, in that moment, hurt and confused I decided God hadn’t been much help to me thus far.

I had done everything right.  Followed every rule, memorized His word and His promises.  What good had that done me?

A deep place in my heart turned to stone.  I stopped praying and decided God and I were parting ways.

I slung my backpack over my shoulders, tossed my long brown hair out of the way of the thick straps and decided to go it alone.  No more God, no more grandparents, no more foster care.  I was going to figure this out on my own.  I quietly closed the door of my adjoining hotel room, careful not to make any noise that would alert my {maternal} grandmother or grandfather to my departure. I walked out into the streets of a small town, determined to never let anyone hurt, betray or use me ever again.
To be continued….

The God Sized Hole in your Heart

It's February 1st! I can't believe we are already in the second month of 2014.  Girls, you've probably heard that time flies when you have kids and it is true!  The days go by quickly even it feels like they drag on and on.

Each week in February we are going to focus on a different aspect of love.

Week 1 will focus on our love for God. 

Week 2 we will delve the love we have for our kids.
Week 3 we will talk about romantic love and relationships.
Lastly, in week 4 we will talk about loving ourselves.

If you have questions about any of the topics, please email them to me at kmelissasmallwood@gmail.com. 

I'm excited to talk with you about all things love this month!

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

Learning From Your Child

It’s been awhile since I’ve been around toddlers, considering that my youngest son is 16!
Since moving to Florida I’ve been spending lots of quality time with my youngest niece and nephew {17 months and 4} and my Sweet Pea {who turned 3 September 1st} lives with the hubby and I for the time being.  I’m knee deep in potty training, temper tantrums, Bubble Guppies and the like. And, I LOVE it.  Toddlers and preschoolers have the sweetest dispositions and even when exerting their will can’t help but be cheek smooching adorable.

photo credit: Quiet Graces

Recently, Lariah {aka Sweet Pea} pulled me to the sliding glass door for the 3,491st time that day to “look at the lithards”.  I felt irritation creeping up my neck but it dissipated as I glanced down at her eager face.  She was genuinely excited to watch the lizards for the 3,491st time that day.  She watched and laughed and pointed as if it was a brand new experience.

In that moment, I wished I could bottle her inquisitive sweetness and drink it every now and then.  Her excitement is contagious and reminds me to pay attention to my surroundings. To take time to see shapes in the clouds and lizards in the grass.

So, I’m going to make an effort to learn from the cute toddlers in my life and inhale the life lessons they can teach like I inhale the freshly washed hair smell during story time each evening.
And, when I remember to, I’ll share them with you here.

Raising kids can be tiring and frustrating but it's also wonderful and sweet.  Try to take the time to get down on their level and see the world through their eyes. It will make your day brighter!

What lessons can you learn from your little ones?

Till tomorrow,
Melissa

Simplifying Your Morning Routine

Verse of the day:

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.  Proverbs 14:1

 I know that with kids to wake up, breakfast to eat and the pressure to not forget anything, mornings can be stressful- but they don’t have to be. When we are stressed out, we tend to be short and snippy with our kids and that's no way to start the day.

 

 Here are five tips to make your morning routine work for you and your family:

1. Prepare as much as you can the night before.  This means laying out clothes, packing the diaper bag, setting the table for breakfast, etc.  The more you do the night before the less there is to stress about in the morning.  As your kids get older you can enlist their help with the evening routine as well.
2. Set realistic expectations.  If there are mornings that you need to leave the house at a certain time (for work, appointments, school, etc.) then a gourmet breakfast is probably not the way to go.  So often we try to cram things into the morning routine that aren’t necessary and then wonder why we are stressed.  Be realistic about the time that you have and what needs to be accomplished.
3. Have a command center.  Don’t you hate those moments when the kids can’t find their favorite toy {that they just can't leave the house without} at the last minute?  Ever had shoes or coats missing in action and you are already five minutes behind schedule?  The solution is to have a place for everything and help your family get in the habit of putting everything in its place.  We had a small table by the entryway where diaper bags, binkies, blankies and favorite toys can go.  We had three hooks by the door for coats and book bags when my boys were small and a basket for shoes.  The more accessible everything is, the easier it is to find.
4. Menu plan.  I am an advocate for menu planning and not just dinner.  We have a menu for breakfast Monday- Friday.  My boys knew that Mondays were cereal, Tuesdays waffles, Wednesdays eggs, etc.  This makes the morning routine easier and I don’t end up feeling like a short order cook.  It also helped the boys know how to set the table for the coming day. Even a 3 or 3 year old can help set the table for breakfast the night before.  If you pack your child's lunch for daycare or preschool, have a menu plan for that as well,so you know without thinking about it, what will go in the lunchbox each morning.
5. Reward yourself and the kids.  Initiating a new routine can be difficult until the routine becomes habit for your family.  Consider having a special reward {a dessert, an outing, etc} on the week’s that mornings run smoothly.  The only way for mornings to work is for everyone to be a team in the household.  Acknowledge when the kids have pitched in.  Thank your man for warming up the car.  Reward your family for coming together to make something work. 

 
The way we start our day can often impact what the rest of the day is going to be like.  Sticking to an effective routine is essential for busy young moms!

Till tomorrow,
Melissa