When having a baby isn't what you expected

There is nothing quite like the feeling of being pregnant. 

There is new life growing inside you. And while that can be an intimidating thought, it's also pretty cool!  You and your baby have a special bond since no one else gets to feel those first little flutters of movement. 

Then the baby arrives.  Maybe you have to have a c-section and don't feel up to bonding those first few days.  Maybe your baby arrives early and has to stay in the NICU for a while.  Maybe your baby was just born fussy.  Whatever the case may be, the reality of what life is like once the baby gets here is often quite different than what we expected.

Not to mention that everyone has an opinion about how you should care for him/her- breast or bottle? Cloth or disposable? Co-sleep or let them cry it out in their crib? 

And, who is going to watch your child while you go back to school or work?  How will you find time to do homework, let alone sleep?  How will you make your minimum wage paycheck stretch to afford diapers and daycare?

The reality of having a baby young can be a hard reality to face. 

The added pressure of wanting to give your child all that you never had growing up will leave you feeling overwhelmed.

But, wait! This was supposed to be fun.  You were finally going to have someone that loved you unconditionally.  You were going to be the mom you always wanted. 

But most nights you cry yourself to sleep, feeling like you failed your baby and yourself.

How can you be a happy mom with all this {and more} on your shoulders?

It is possible, I promise.  Come back tomorrow and we will talk about it.

3 Reasons to go to Church

On Sundays, all across America and the rest of the world, people {including myself} venture out of their homes and into a church. Some church services are held in traditional church buildings while many others are held in less traditional venues including schools, movie theaters and homes.  The "where" of church is not important.  The benefit of church attendance is in the gathering together with other people.

As a matter of fact that is what the Greek word that is used in the Bible that is interpreted as church really means- the gathering together of people for a common purpose.  Modern day church is the gathering together of people to worship, pray, study and fellowship.

During these 365 days together I am going to devote our Sundays to talking about church- the good, the bad and the ugly.  I strongly believe that regularly attending a church is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your child(ren).  But I also know that many of you may have had not-so-nice experiences at a church that make you never want to return to any church, at any time.

I'm going to start by giving you three reasons to regularly attend church.  Next week, we will talk about how to find a church that you like and feel comfortable at.

1. You will make friends.  Some of the best friends I've ever had are women I have met at church.  As a teen mom, you probably lost a lot of friendships when you had your baby.  Unless they have a baby too, it can be hard for the friends we grew up with to feel like they have anything in common with us once our baby arrives.  Conversely, you may not have been choosing the best type of people to hang out with before your child arrived and may have needed to distance yourself from your old friends.  Either way, being a teen mom can leave you feeling isolated and alone.  Church is a great way to combat those feelings.  Meeting other moms and other women in a setting like church is non-threatening.  You already have something in common- you both attend the same church.  I encourage you to get involved in mom's groups and women's events at the church you attend.   The Bible says "where two or three are gathered together, I am there with them." What better way to begin a friendship than with God right there too?
2. Church is good for your {emotional and physical}health . Studies have shown that people that regularly attend church experience less stress and rebound from depression 70% faster than people that don't go to church.  Being around positive people, lifting your heart in worship to God and having others pray for you are probably some of the reasons that church is good for you.  Another study showed that people that attend church have a longer life expectancy and less health problems related to stress including high blood pressure and headaches!  We are told in John 14:27  that God gives us peace: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled..."
3. You will get to know God better. A relationship with God, a true encounter with Jesus- girls, it will change your life.  You may have doubts about whether God even exists.  That's ok.  Don't let it stop you from searching for the answers you want.  Church is the best place to be when you don't know where you and God stand.  Find a church that encourages you to seek answers to the questions you have and points you to where you can find the answers.

There are many more benefits that we will talk about in weeks to come. 

When is the last time you went to church?

Setting SMART goals

I briefly introduced you to SMART goals in yesterday's post. Do you remember what SMART stands for?
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Time Framed

Setting goals is great but if you don't think through your goals and how they will be achieved, then the only thing you are accomplishing is writing some sentences on paper. You won't have anything to show for it at the end of the year.
The Bible tells us that making wise decisions is more valuable than gold.

"How much better to get wisdom than gold! and good judgment than silver." Proverbs 16:16

Let me give you some examples.

You may set a goal that you want to lose weight.  Using the S for specific, you would make your goal to lose 15 pounds and go down to pants sizes. This would also make your goal measurable in that you would know when you achieved it. When you lose 15 lbs, you've achieved your goal.  You also want to remember the A for achievable.  Losing 15 lbs is an achievable goal. It doesn't mean that 15 lbs is all you can lose or you have to stop at 15. If you achieve the 15 lb. goal then you could move onto the next goal of another 15, etc. I've found this works better for maintaining motivation rather than setting your original goal to lose 45 lbs., getting frustrated when your weight loss plateaus and giving up altogether.

The R in SMART goals stands for realistic.  It is important that our goals be not only achievable but realistic for our time and situation.  It isn't a bad thing to dream and stretch ourselves but we don't want to live in denial or set ourselves up for failure either.

For instance, I am NOT a runner. I don't like to sweat and I'm big up top, which is just not fun when you run.  However, I have friends that swear that running is the best way to stay fit and that it makes them feel amazing.  So, I want to be a runner. I want to stay fit and I want to feel amazing.  I am trying to incorporate physical activity in my daily life.  But, I am not going to set a goal to run a marathon in 2014. That is simply not realistic.

Could I run a 5k? Sure {if fast paced walking counts as running :)} Could I run 3 days a week? Absolutely.  Those would be more realistic goals than running a marathon and if I stick with those goals, running a marathon could be in my future {except I don't like to sweat and 26 miles is a lot!}Definitely stick to realistic goals for yourself.

Last but not least, make sure your goals are time framed.  If you make a goal that you want to read more, how will you know if you've achieved it?  A SMART goal would be "I will read 1 book a month I haven't read before in 2014". That is specific {a book you haven't read before}, measurable {read 1 book a month} it is achievable and realistic and time framed {you will accomplish the goal in 2014}.

I hope that this has helped you see the difference between a generic goal and a SMART goal.

I would love for you to share a SMART goal you write for yourself in the comments below.

Till tomorrow,
Melissa