Monday, March 3, 2014

How to Recognize Mr. Wrong

Last post we talked about why girls stay with the wrong type of guy.  I got a few emails from young mama's asking how to know if you are with a "Mr. Wrong".  I can't answer that question specific to your situations without knowing you and your significant others but I can share some general things to look for as warning signs.

{I would love for you to chime in the comments if you have been in a bad relationship and want to share something I leave off the list.}

1.  Your relationship has more ups and downs than a roller coaster.  Don't get me wrong, relationships will have tension and discord at times.  But, if one day everything is wonderful and the next you're breaking up and the next day everything is wonderful again, that is not a healthy relationship.  If you can't work through simple problems, your relationship is not built to last the tests that it will experience in a lifetime together.  If you invest more time trying to fix things or repairing the damage of a fight that got ugly then you spend enjoying each other's company, then something is wrong. 
2. He dislikes you spending time with your friends and family.  If a guy wants you to cut people out of your life that you love and depend on, you need to run {not walk} away.  When you get married and settle down it is normal for your time to be devoted to your husband and kids.  But even then, in the busiest season of life, maintaining relationships with family and friends is also important.  If a guy is trying to keep you from those relationships and have you all to himself, you are with a Mr. Wrong.
3.  He gets upset if you don't answer a call or text right away.  I have worked with young moms whose boyfriends would get angry if she didn't text him back immediately, regardless of where she was {work, school, etc}.  I have seen girls lose their jobs or flunk out of a college class because of the controlling and jealous behavior of a boyfriend.  If your boyfriend is that possessive and insecure that he needs to know where you are at all times, that is not love.  It is dysfunction.  
4.  You change who you are to please him.  If you are normally outgoing and you find yourself becoming withdrawn and sullen around your boyfriend, there is a problem.  If you feel like you need to change your likes and dislikes to please him, there is a problem. You shouldn't have to give up your identity in order to maintain a relationship.
5.  You feel guilty all the time or feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid an argument.  God designed us to be in a marriage relationship with one person for the rest of our lives.  He did not design us to be mutually miserable.  The occasional argument is actually healthy but constant conflict is not.  Name calling, guilt trips, saying mean and hurtful things...those are not the components of a healthy relationship.  Mr. Right will not be ok with seeing you cry, much less being the one to make you cry. Relationships are about give and take. If you are the only one giving, there is a problem.

While I can think of more but am far more curious to hear from you.  What are some things that make you think a guy is "Mr. Wrong" ?  As, you can see I used the phrase "there is a problem" several times in this brief article.  The good thing about problems is that most have solutions.  If you are in an unhealthy relationship, please love yourself enough to get help.  

Till tomorrow,

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